When it rains it pours

I never really felt the weight of that saying until these last few weeks. After Jordan came home from the hospital it felt like life would not relent; one set back, surprise, or obstacle would present itself in the form of an unexpected tax bill or a sensitive dog with worms or a back injury or a cracked denture. It felt as though we were always destined to struggle in life.

It felt as though we were always going to be living in this perpetual state of never having enough. I was scared to even look at our financial situation because I knew the outlook would be bleak. It wasn’t until I actually sat down and filled out the budget forms that I realized we had enough for what we needed. Enough for the basics to survive, enough for another day. Just enough. That’s all we really need in life right? What we need. God truly does provide and knows what we truly need.

I didn’t realize how much my circumstances were stressing me out until I went to get my eyes checked. For the past month I have had a twitch in my left eye in addition to it being itchy and irritated. After the doctor examined my eyes and looked at large pictures of my eyeballs he informed me that everything looked really good and healthy. “Then why is my eye twitching?” I asked. Simply put he said that your eyes will twitch as an indication that the body is under stress. He asked if I had frequent headaches, migraines, sensitivity to loud sounds, and seeing specks or “floaters” in my vision. I answered yes to all of these questions and he affirmed that those are all indicators of stress.

I needed to chill out because my body was reacting to the mountains of stress that I was putting on it everyday since Jordan first went to the hospital. After this alarming realization that I was causing stress on myself and thereby my body, I decided to just let it go. Let go of trying to do everything myself, let go of my desire to control the situation, let go of my wants. There is really only so much you can do in a day and worrying or stressing about what you can't control is not going to help. Of course I know this to be true but I was still allowing myself to let it affect me. What is life without the hardships that make the good moments that much sweeter?

Here’s to giving God your problems and doing your best to make it through life the best we know how. Below is a song that has become my theme song for life. Take a listen.

“Everything can change when you make it His, He wants to carry it. 
Care free in the care of God when you let it go, 
You’ll find that He is enough, you will never leave His love. 
You don’t walk alone."